


Heartburned

by GhostofBambi



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Hospitals, Texting, texting whilst high off your ass on morphine and general anaesthetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-03-27 13:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19013470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostofBambi/pseuds/GhostofBambi
Summary: What do you get when you take a general anaesthetic and shoot it into a girl with a fully charged phone and hardly any filter?





	1. pre-op

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kattyshack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattyshack/gifts).



> Inspired by my own recent surgery and the somewhat bizarre phone conversation I had with my mother (not to mention the weird shit I said to my nurses) when I came to, this is a special gift for my darling Katie, who I love passionately and unconditionally and with all my heart, and who loves texting fics almost as much as she loves me. Almost. ALMOST. She loves me more and you can't prove otherwise.
> 
> Special thanks to Ana for some of the anaesthetic text suggestions. I'm not going to apologise for my joke about Daenerys.

**part one: pre-op**

**Theon:** So, how's the patient doing?

 **Sansa:** Battling bravely through the pain and making veiled threats towards the surgeon.

 **Theon:** Typical behaviour, then?

 **Sansa:** Usually her threats are more direct, so we can definitely assume she isn't faking.  
To be honest, the first thing the surgeon asked her was what procedure she was having because he didn't have her notes to hand, so he didn't inspire much confidence.  
A medical professional should probably know basic things like what he's cutting out of your body.

 **Theon:** You sound upset.

 **Sansa:** I am a little upset, honestly.  
That's my baby sister he's carving up.  
It'd be nice to know that he was sure of what part of her he was cutting, I need her back in one piece.

 **Theon:** Still, flexing at a man who is soon to cut you open is big dick energy and I have to admire it.  
And there are dicks bigger than your sister is tall.  
Probably.

 **Sansa:** Thank you for that horrifying mental image.

 **Theon:** I've never seen an example of one, but you know.

 **Sansa:** That's a very big thing to admit.  
Proud of you.

 **Theon:** Hahaha

 **Sansa:** Or is it, in fact, a small thing to admit?

 **Theon:** The latter.  
Regrettably.

 **Sansa:** There there.  
It's not the size of the penis, but what you do that defines you.

 **Theon:** Is part of that quote...from a Batman movie?

 **Sansa:** SIGH.  
Yes, Theon. SIGH, Theon. Regrettably, yes it is.

 **Theon:** ?????????!!! How?

 **Sansa:** As of last night, I have officially been exposed to the Christian Bale trilogy.  
Though not his penis, thank god.

 **Theon:** Again, HOW?  
Are you being held against your will by an action movie enthusiast?  
Send two dancing lady emojis for yes and one for no.

 **Sansa:** Hahahaha  
Arya had conditions that needed to be met in exchange for allowing me to take her to and from the hospital.

 **Theon:** What was she going to do otherwise, take herself and drive home hopped up on drugs?

 **Sansa:** Obviously not, that's madness.  
But she's ill and I am ever the benevolent sister, so I humour her as much as she wants.

 **Theon:** Hahaha.  
Where are you now, in the ward?

 **Sansa:** Waiting room still.  
We've seen the surgeon and the nurse, now we're waiting to speak to the anaesthetist.  
Then eventually they'll take her down and I'll be free to fret and panic and cry as openly as I like.

 **Theon:** Well, keep me posted, yeah?  
I'm working til five, but I can pop by after if you need the company.  
Can't have you crying on my watch.

 **Sansa:** If she's still under by then, I'll definitely need the company.

*******

**Arya:** You calculating ho Theon Greyjoy.

 **Theon:** I'm sorry, what???

 **Arya:** Acting like you're sooooooo concerned about my wellbeing  
Yet you don't text me directly to see how I'm doing  
It all goes through Sansa.  
How curious, Theon.  
How CURIOUS.

 **Theon:** I didn't want to bother you while you were waiting for your op.

 **Arya:** Right. Sure.  
Of course you didn't.  
And your sister's never pegged Margaery with a fat rubber schlong.  

 **Theon:** First of all what the FUCK?

 **Arya:** Except LOL she definitely has.

 **Theon:** Stop.

 **Arya:** She's bragged about it.

 **Theon:** STOP.

 **Arya:** I'll stop if you admit you wanted an excuse to offer Sansa a shoulder to cry on while her baby sister teeters on the brink of death.

 **Theon:** I have SEVERAL problems with that accusation.

 **Arya:** I have several problems with you.

 **Theon:** I can fancy your sister AND want to support her as a friend at the same time.  
Those two things aren't mutually exclusive.  
I don't have a creepy ulterior motive.

 **Arya:** Hmm  
Hmmmmmm  
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 **Theon:** ffs Arya, do I look like Petyr to you?

 **Arya:** Your distinct lack of a villainous goatee is reassuring, it's true.  
Doesn't mean I'm wrong though.

 **Theon:** Also, just to address the 'brink of death' part?  
You're having your gallbladder out, not getting a heart transplant.

 **Arya:** Not to be a man on the internet but WELL ACTUALLY  
Getting a general anaesthetic comes with a minor risk of death  
It was literally written down on the form I signed this morning you colossal fucknugget

 **Theon:** LOL "minor"

 **Arya:** Furthermore, it's my fucking surgery, so I can be as dramatic as I want  
Are you getting cut up today? NO  
So shut your bloody mouth or that state of affairs will get real different real quick.

*******

**Theon:** Are you headed to the hospital after work?  
I can drive us in if you want, grab something to eat on the way there.

 **Gendry:** Why would I need to go to the hospital?

 **Theon:** To see Arya?

 **Gendry:** What

 **Theon:** What?

 **Gendry:** Arya's in the hospital?  
Why is Arya in the hospital?  
Wtf Theon???

 **Theon:** Wait  
Didn't she tell you?

 **Gendry:** Tell me tell me what?  
Theon???????  
THEON

 **Theon:** _typing..._

 **Gendry:** HURRY THE FUCK UP WHY IS SHE IN HOSPITAL?????

 **Theon:** Look it's FINE don't start panicking or anything.  
She’s having surgery this afternoon.

 **Gendry:** WHAT

 **Theon:** It's a minor procedure!!  
Gallbladder removal!  
She's been in pain for a while so they're taking it out.

 **Gendry:** WHAT THE FUCK  
SURGERY????  
I SAW HER YESTERDAY WHAT THE FUCK???????

 **Theon:** Shit mate, I'm so sorry for springing it at you like that  
I just assumed she would have told you.

 **Gendry:** NO SHE FUCKING DID NOT

*******

**Gendry:** YOU'RE GETTING SURGERY??????

 **Arya:** Wat?  
New phone who dis?  
How did you get this number?  
Is this a marketing message?  
I'm happy with my internet service provider, thank you for asking.

 **Gendry:** Oh piss off  
That's NOT fucking funny

 **Arya:** I'm fine, calm down.  
It's nothing major.  
I'm having my gallbladder yanked out, keyhole surgery, I'll be home by sundown.

 **Gendry:** Don't say sundown like you're a fucking samurai when I've just found out you're getting surgery

 **Arya:** It's a routine procedure! My life's not at risk or anything.

 **Gendry:** How am I supposed to calm down when you're getting cut open and I didn't know a thing about it until five minutes ago???  
I saw you YESTERDAY and you said NOTHING!  
Fucking hell Arya how long have you been in pain?

 **Arya:** Like a while.  
It's not even a big deal.

 **Gendry:**????!??!?!?!?!?!?!  
Why didn't you tell me??

 **Arya:** I didn't even tell my parents you diva.  
Sansa only knows because the hospital said I had to bring somebody with me.  
Theon only knows because Sansa told him and Bran only knows because idek he's Bran who even can tell where he's gathering his intel.  
Why would I have needed to tell you??

 **Gendry:** Seriously?  
Because I'm your BEST FRIEND maybe???  
Thought ever cross your mind??

 **Arya:** Excuse YOU  
Sandor's my best friend

 **Gendry:** he fucking is NOT!!!!!?!?!!

 **Arya:** Yes he is

 **Gendry:** Oh, really? REALLY?  
When's the last time you saw him?

 **Arya:** Idk eight months ago?

 **Gendry:** _typing..._

 **Arya:** Maybe nine.

 **Gendry:** I am UNBELIEVABLY pissed with you you ABSOLUTE pain in the arse

 **Arya:** Are you really?  
You're not capslocking enough so I can't be sure.  
Anyway you're not allowed to be pissed when I'm about to have surgery.  
What if I die under the knife?

 **Gendry:** DON'T joke about that

 **Arya:** My last memory of you will be of your capslocking fury.  
I'll go to my grave convinced that you hate me.  
HATE, Gendry.  
How could you live with yourself if you let that happen?

 **Gendry:** JFC stop for five fucking seconds would you?  
This is serious  
What the fuck am I supposed to even do??  
What hospital are you in?

 **Arya:** No

 **Gendry:** I'm not fucking joking I'm leaving work and driving in right now

 **Arya:** Can't drive in if you don't know where I am.

 **Gendry:** There aren't that many hospitals in the area  
NHS website says a laparoscopic cholecystectomy takes 60 to 90 minutes  
I can find you by the time you wake up if I visit all of them

 **Arya:** Or you could just like, ask Sansa or Theon where I am?  
FFS Gendry  
Are you so thick that I actually have to EXPLAIN the best way to defy me??

 **Gendry:** WELL SORRY  
I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE IS HAVING FUCKING SURGERY AND DIDN'T FUCKING TELL ME  
PARDON ME IF I'M NOT THINKING STRAIGHT

 **Arya:** Christ, you're dramatic.  
Anyway look I have to go get sliced.  
Don't come to the hospital, there is literally no point.

 **Gendry:** I hate you

 **Arya:** Sorry, can't hear you, they're putting the needle in.  
I'm moving towards the light.  
See you in the next life I guess.

 **Gendry:** I am never, ever, EVER forgiving you for this

*******

**Arya:** Did you tell Gendry I was having the op today?

 **Sansa:** No, of course not.  
You told me not to.  
Wait, you still haven't gone down yet?

 **Arya:** Not yet, they put me in this little pod, gave me some clot socks and told me to wait to be taken for the anaesthetic.  
I'm sitting here looking like a twat with green legs and my arse sticking out of a gown.  
I tried to take a nap but then Gendry texted and had an absolute shitfit.  
A shitfit, Sansa.  
Via text.  
At me.  
Directly.  
When I am SUPPOSED to be cultivating a healing aura or whatever the fuck Margaery was talking about.

 **Sansa:** Oh no, I'm so sorry!  
It must have been Theon.  
I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, he probably just assumed that Gendry knew already.

 **Arya:** Why would he ever assume that?

 **Sansa:** Oh, Arya.  
Because.

 **Arya:** Because what?

 **Sansa:** Are we really going to go through this again?

 **Arya:** Are YOU really going to bring this up again when I am literally about to get cut open?

 **Sansa:** I'm not the only person in the world who can see that you love him.

 **Arya:** I love eccles cake too what's your point.

 **Sansa:** This isn't an eccles cake kind of love, though.  
Is it?

 **Arya:** I will pot/kettle you so hard, I swear.  
I don't want to talk about my feelings let's talk about YOUR feelings.  
What kind of sex dreams do you have about Theon?  
Please be detailed, but not too detailed. I am your little sister after all.  
Just the dirty stuff, none of that cuddling afterwards shit.

 **Sansa:** You are deflecting.

 **Arya:** Like a tennis pro.  
Back to the sex dreams.

 **Sansa:** Arya, you are literally about to get knocked out and cut open and have a part of your body removed.  
I know how you feel, you know how you feel, and honestly, Gendry deserved to be told about today.

 **Arya:** We agreed that I would give you one day per year where I opened up and talked about my feelings.  
For that to happen I need at least a week's notice, plus wine, and that's non-negotiable.  
The death risk would need to be major for me to agree to change those terms.

 **Sansa:** You KNOW you want to see him. You know you'd rather he was here.  
If you can't be honest with yourself at a moment like this, when can you?

 **Arya:** Stop, you sound like someone who gets 'Live Laugh Love' tattooed on their lower back.

 **Sansa:** You're not well and I love you, so I'm not going to dignify that slanderous insult with a response.  
But you are out of your mind if you think I'm watching any of the Die Hards after this.

 **Arya:** To quote you, like, thirty seconds ago, I am literally about to get knocked out and cut open and a part of my body taken out of me.  
Now the one person in the world I've ever (redacted HAH don't screenshot this) is so pissed off with me that he might not talk to me ever again.

 **Sansa:** That's definitely not going to happen.

 **Arya:** IT MIGHT HAPPEN AND IF IT DID I WOULD DIE AND I GET TO BE DRAMATIC ABOUT IT

 **Sansa:** I thought we weren't discussing your feelings today?

 **Arya:** Exactly, we're not.  
So tell me all about YOUR romantic woes

 **Sansa:** That was a lot less cunning and subtle than you think it was.  
But fine, we can talk about Theon.  
Because I am a fully self-actualised adult.  
I'm not afraid to own up to my feelings.

 **Arya:** O RLY?  
Have you owned up to your feelings to his face?

 **Sansa:** I'm self-actualised, not completely insane.

 **Arya:** You say that like he wouldn't be down to clown.

 **Sansa:** Horrendously put, thank you.

 **Arya:** You should just tell him.  
Casual like.  
Yo Theon, I guess we're in love now. YOLO.  
See, I even wrote the text.

 **Sansa:** I can't just tell him like it's an hourly weather update.

 **Arya:** WHY

 **Sansa:** Because  
Lots of reasons.  
Robb and Yara, for one thing.

 **Arya:** Yara literally wouldn't care, and if your first recourse includes the dumbest of our brothers, you've already lost this war  
Robb shouldn't matter in all this

 **Sansa:** Except he does matter. They're best friends. That matters.  
He'd react like a Neanderthal even if Theon doesn't feel the same way about me.  
It'd be "how dare you reject my sister" or "how dare you impugn my sister's honour" but either way, their friendship would be irreparably damaged.  
If it were Bran or Rickon, it'd be fine, but it's Robb and he'll take it seriously.

 **Arya:** So what? He'll get over it.

 **Sansa:** Robb can't even get over the Sopranos finale.

 **Arya:** I can't get over your deference to our prattish older brother who applies mafia logic to his relationships with his family.

 **Sansa:** Our prattish older brother who means the world to Theon.  
Mafia family logic isn't going to change that.

 **Arya:** GOD I get it you love him I'm bored of this already.

 **Sansa:** Arya

 **Arya:** Sansa

 **Sansa:** Arya

 **Arya:** What?

 **Sansa:** I know what this is.  
You're going to be fine, okay?  
Absolutely fine.  
Just remember that I'm right outside in the waiting room and will not move until you wake up and I can see you again.  
Except for when I need to use the bathroom but I'll still be in the general vicinity.

 **Arya:** PISH, the bathroom?  
Weak.

*******

**Theon:** So  
Full disclosure  
I think I might have started a debacle.

 **Sansa:** Might have?  
Oh, Theon, you sweet summer child.  
We're way beyond a debacle.

 **Theon:** Fuck bugger bugger  
How big was the meltdown?

 **Sansa:** Remember when Robb got roped into that pyramid scheme?

 **Theon:** The one with the vitamin pills or the one with the knives?

 **Sansa:** Pills.

 **Theon:** In exquisitely painful detail.

 **Sansa:** Remember what happened when my mother found out?

 **Theon:** Hah.  
Hahaha.  
Looks like I'm moving to Switzerland.

 **Sansa:** Why Switzerland?

 **Theon:** The Swiss invented absinthe.  
Also, the Helvetica font.

 **Sansa:** What more could you want out of life?

*******

**Arya:** Fix this mess with Gendry before I come to or so help me GOD

 **Theon:** Arya, I'm so sorry.  
Honestly.  
I wasn't trying to start shit, I only mentioned it because I assumed he knew already.  
I never would have said anything if I knew you didn't want him to know.

 **Arya:** Fix. It.  
If you don't, not only will I tell my sister how you feel about her, I'll prepare a fifty-slide Powerpoint presentation featuring every shitty photo from every regrettable drunken night you've ever stumbled your way home from covered in vomit and the stench of bad decisions.  
I will slander you and misquote you and make up statements from your ex girlfriends decrying you as a shitty boyfriend who openly wept during sex and identified strongly with Ross from Friends.  
Then I'll end the presentation with a solemn vow to never ever EVER give my blessing to your union.  
And don't test me on that shit because you KNOW my approval means everything to her.  
Message received?

 **Theon:** Loud and clear.

 **Arya:** Good.

 **Theon:** I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually think I preferred your unsubtle threats to cut me open.

 **Arya:** Yeah, well  
You've lost all rights to a quick and merciful death

*******

**Arya:** Just letting you know that I'm going down for surgery shortly.

 **Sandor:** Is your life in danger?

 **Arya:** No, it's minor.  
Gallstones.

 **Sandor:** Then what the fuck you telling me for?

 **Arya:** That's what I said!


	2. mid-op

**part two: mid-op**

**Sansa:** I just managed to speak to a nurse and she said that Arya is in surgery.  
She went down about thirty minutes ago, determined to fight the anaesthetic, apparently.

 **Theon:** Lol, why did she want to fight the anaesthetic?

 **Sansa:** She'll say it was to protect her organs from being harvested and sold on the black market, but I know her.  
She wants to be the patient who was so strong and tough that she needed more than the recommended dose to put her to sleep.

 **Theon:** I don't think that's how that works.  
Plus, Arya's the size of a wedding cake topper, it would have knocked her out immediately.  
That's so like her though, deciding she can take on modern medicine.  
Your sister, honestly.

 **Sansa:** My sister.

 **Theon:** And how are you holding up, love?

 **Sansa:** I'm doing okay, thank you incredibly much for asking.  
I have a mini pack of chocolate buttons and a cup of rancid 20p coffee from the vending machine, I'm reading the worst erotic novel of all time and I haven't cried once.  
Not even at this terrible, terrible writing.

 **Theon:** Example?

 **Sansa:** Hang on, it's an eBook. I'll copy and paste.

 **Theon:** Also, why are you reading an erotic novel in the first place?

 **Sansa:** Because I accidentally read a misprinted swear word in one of my Little House on the Prairie books and my innocent mind has since become corrupted.

 **Theon:** ????????

 **Sansa:** I like romance.

 **Theon:** I knew THAT, I just didn't know you liked the……sexy kind.

 **Sansa:** Firstly, your use of ellipses in this scenario is hilarious.  
Secondly, the book I'm reading now is not remotely sexy, believe me.  
Got an excerpt. You ready?

 **Theon:** As I'll ever be.

 **Sansa:** Blinding breathless shaking overwhelming exploding white God I cum inside her my cock throbbing we’re both moaning eyes hearts souls bodies one.  
One.  
White.  
God.  
Cum.  
Cum.  
Cum.  
I close my eyes let out my breath.  
Cum.

 **Theon:** …………  
This is a joke?

 **Sansa:** It's quite real.

 **Theon:** It reads like the terrible slam poetry of a teenage boy who is definitely a virgin and learned everything he knows from SyFy channel erotica.

 **Sansa:** Add in "white supremacist" and you've got an exact descriptor.  
I mean, I assume.  
The author's name is James Frey.

 **Theon:** Frey?  
Explains everything.

 **Sansa:** Hahahaha, oh my god.  
I didn't even think.

 **Theon:** I'm like, 99% sure that most Freys speak in one-word sentences as a general rule.  
No wonder they can't get laid.  
I'm so grateful to have you in my life so that I can avoid these pitfalls. The next time I try to turn a girl on, I'll remember not to bark the word "cum" over and over in her ear until she cracks and punches my lights out.  
Shocking as it is to learn that it's an ineffective method.  
Thank you for this life lesson.

 **Sansa:** I mean, try if you like, I can't claim to speak for all women, but it certainly wouldn't work on me.

 **Theon:** Right.  
Yeah.  
Noted.  
Haha.

 ** **Sansa:** **The book this is from won the Literary Review's Bad Sex in Fiction award last year.  
Selected from an all-male shortlist.

 **Theon:** The best thing about being a man is finding a new way to be ashamed of my gender every day, truly.  
Did you lose a bet with someone and that's why you're reading it?

 **Sansa:** Arya downloaded it as a joke and I figured I'd rather appreciate her efforts at trolling me than panic because I'm worried about her.  
It's working so far, though it is deeply, deeply concerning to think that this is the kind of trash getting published nowadays. At least I haven't cried.

 **Theon:** I wept like a baby when I read Charlotte's Web for the first time so you're already doing a lot better than I do on a regular day.

 **Sansa:** That doesn't count, you were a child then.

 **Theon:** I was twenty-four.

 **Sansa:** Oh my GOD, Theon.

*******

**Sansa:** Arya's in surgery now.  
She finally went down about forty minutes ago.

 **Bran:** That's good to know.  
By now, there should be several small incisions in her abdomen, around five or thereabouts.  
The surgeon is likely examining her gallbladder via a small camera which has been carefully inserted into one such incision.

 **Sansa:** Bran.

 **Bran:** Her abdomen will then be inflated with carbon dioxide gas, allowing for easier removal of the gallbladder.

 **Sansa:** BRAN.

 **Bran:** What?

 **Sansa:** Why are you talking about this right now?

 **Bran:** To comfort you.

 **Sansa:** It's not working.

 **Bran:** I have a link to a video of the very same procedure if you feel I've not been sufficiently thorough.

 **Sansa:** No, thank you.  
I'm suddenly dangerously low on data.

*******

**Theon:** Just letting you know that she went down for surgery about 35 - 40 minutes ago.

 **Gendry:** What hospital is she in

 **Theon:** I don't know.

 **Gendry:** Yes you do

 **Theon:** I honestly don't.

 **Gendry:** Then tell me Sansa's number so I can ask her where she is

 **Theon:** I don't know that either.

 **Gendry:** LIAR  
Sansa's the only person you text aside from your sister

 **Theon:** Fine, I'm a liar, but I'm in enough trouble with Arya as it is without making it worse.

 **Gendry:** HOW will telling me make it worse?

 **Theon:** It's a betrayal of trust.

 **Gendry:** You ALREADY betrayed her trust  
And she said that her sister is the one who told you so if you're betraying anyone now, it's Sansa, and that's an issue for you two to sort out  
Arya and I don't need to be involved just tell me what fucking hospital she's in

 **Theon:** Stop being so logical.  
It's not like you.

*******

**Theon:** Gendry's still pissed.

 **Sansa:** Of course he is and I don't blame him.  
I knew this would happen if he found out. I told her over and over to tell him the truth, but she's too stubborn to listen when she's made up her mind about something.

 **Theon:** Why didn't she tell him?  
I honestly thought she would, they seem telepathically linked half the time.

 **Sansa:** She said she doesn't like people knowing her business.

 **Theon:** Other people, yeah, but she once had Gendry look at her pee so she could brag about how well hydrated she is.

 **Sansa:** Obviously she was lying, but that's all I could get out of her whenever I asked.  
I have a Theon, though.  
Haha, I meant I have a theory.  
Bloody autocorrect.

 **Theon:** WOWWWWW Sansa.  
God, you need to stop talking about me all the time.  
Even your phone is shaming you for it.

 **Sansa:** Shows what you know. It's a different Theon.

 **Theon:** Because my name is so common.

 **Sansa:** Weren't we talking about Arya and Gendry?

 **Theon:** Doesn't sound fake at all.

 **Sansa:** Their friendship is on the verge of imploding, you know. We don't have time for you to doubt my integrity or the existence of Theon Brownsorrow, my dear dear friend.

 **Theon:** THEON BROWNSORROW???

 **Sansa:** It's really insensitive to laugh at other people's names.  
Anyway, can we move on?

 **Theon:** Noooooo, I want to talk more about fake Theon.

 **Sansa:** Don't make me play the "my sister's having surgery" card because I will not hesitate.  
Oh, Theon, I'm so stressed.  
So so worried etc.

 **Theon:** FINE, your highness, but this isn't over, grumble grumble, etc. What's this theory?

 **Sansa:** It's just a hypothesis, mind you, so I might be completely in the wrong.

 **Theon:** When are you ever in the wrong?

 **Sansa:** There was that one time.

 **Theon:** What one time?

 **Sansa:** Fine, Theon, I'm always right and my theory is based on close observation and a near-impeccable understanding of my sister's inner workings, but at least allow me to keep up the facade of modesty.

 **Theon:** I just want you to live your truth, San.  
Tell me your theory.

 **Sansa:** First, you'll need some context, or else it will make no sense.  
Do you remember Loras and Renly's wedding?

 **Theon:** What reason would I have to remember a wedding where the groom's older brother objected in the middle of the ceremony and got kicked in the balls by one of the bridesmaids?

 **Sansa:** Hah, I'd never seen Margaery so angry before.

 **Theon:** Yara always says that the moment she knew Margaery was The One was the moment she flattened that wanker in a bridesmaid's dress and stiletto heels.

 **Sansa:** Did he ever escape that cult, I wonder?

 **Theon:** I think he's one of its elders now.

 **Sansa:** It's good that he hasn't let being a fanatical, homophobic manic stand in the way of his ambition, I suppose.

 **Theon:** I think his is a situation where it's better for you the more fanatical you are.  
But you were going to say something about Arya and Gendry?

 **Sansa:** Yes, I was.  
Anyway, you may recall that after Stannis was taken away and the police finished interviewing witnesses, we went on to the reception where we discovered that Arya and Gendry had been seated next to one another at our table.

 **Theon:** Of course I remember.  
Table de la Renta represent yo

 **Sansa:** I'm going to pretend you didn't say that and move swiftly on with the anecdote.  
Remember how surprised they both were.  
Because they hadn't seen each other in years?

 **Theon:** Yeah?

 **Sansa:** That was a big, fat lie.  
The only reason Arya and Gendry were seated next to each other is because Arya found out he was coming to the wedding and specifically asked Renly to put them there.

 **Theon:** Seriously?

 **Sansa:** Seriously.

 **Theon:** And Renly just went along with having his wedding plans interfered with?

 **Sansa:** You know how indulgent he is when it comes to Arya. She's his favourite. He'd have ousted a member of his family from the top table if she'd told him she wanted to sit there instead.  
This was an entirely premeditated plan. She'd had a crush on Gendry for years. And I mean, YEARS. She used to spend hours talking about him.  
She still does, sometimes, even though it's basically an outright battle to get her to open up.  
Once Arya makes up her mind about something there's no changing it, and she made up her mind about Gendry when she was twelve.

 **Theon:** Wait, what age was he when she was twelve?

 **Sansa:** Seventeen.  
So he obviously didn't think of her in that way, just treated her like a child he was fond of.

 **Theon:** It would have been pretty bloody terrifying if he had thought of her differently, tbh.

 **Sansa:** Oh, I agree. Straight to the police station.  
Anyway, she was fourteen the last time she saw him and that was right before he moved abroad for uni.  
Flash forward five years, she finds out he's back and sees Renly's wedding as an opportunity to show him that she's all grown up, so she takes advantage of it.

 **Theon:** And gets trashed on free champagne.

 **Sansa:** In her defence, didn't we all get trashed?  
I think at first she just wanted to feel like she'd won something, honestly.  
I suppose if you spent your teenage years languishing in unrequited love, it would feel like a victory if they started to fancy you, even if you no longer felt the same way.  
But this is Arya we're talking about, and as I said, she rarely changes her mind once it's made up.  
So here we are, another three years on, and she'll never admit it but she's scared that he still sees her as a little girl, so she goes out of her way to seem invulnerable, like she has everything under control.  
She says she's going to bounce right back after the surgery, but the truth is, she'll be weak and tired and in pain, and she's going to need help.  
I think she likens needing to be taken care of with being childish.  
And I think she doesn't want him to see her like that.

 **Theon:** That makes a lot of sense, actually.  
Hang on, I'm going to try talking to him again. He's overreacted to this whole thing and that's the last thing she needs coming out of surgery.  
I'll sort this out.

 **Sansa:** Thank you <3<3<3

 **Theon:** <3<3<3

 **Sansa:** And you won't tell him anything I just told you re: Arya, right?

 **Theon:** Of course I won't tell.

 **Sansa:** For the record I trust you completely.  
I just wanted to be clear on what he can and cannot know, for Arya's sake.

 **Theon:** Don't worry, I'll keep quiet.  
Theon Brownsorrow, on the other hand, would definitely, definitely tell him.

 **Sansa:** Bloody Theon Brownsorrow.

 **Theon:** I hate that guy.

 **Sansa:** Who doesn't?

*******

**Theon:** I found out why Arya didn't tell you about the surgery and it completely exonerates her of all blame, so you can't be angry anymore.

 **Gendry:** Why?

 **Theon:** If anything, she's the victim in all of this.  
You're going to feel so silly when you find out.

 **Gendry:** Why?

 **Theon:** Oh, I think you already know.

 **Gendry:** No I don't

 **Theon:** You do know.  
Deep down in your heart.

 **Gendry:** No I don't

 **Theon:** Really deep down.

 **Gendry:** No I don't

 **Theon:** Honestly, it was all just a big misunderstanding.

 **Gendry:** That means fuck all

 **Theon:** She knew it would upset you.

 **Gendry:** That's her favourite hobby

 **Theon:** The truth is, she's not having surgery at all. It's all an elaborate cover.  
She's living a double life and kept it a secret to protect you from her enemies.

 **Gendry:** A double life as what?

 **Theon:** _typing…_

 **Gendry:** Can't think of anything, can you?

 **Theon:** _typing…_

 **Gendry:** I'm waiting for you to tell me all about this secret double life she's living  
It must be a really good story  
You've been typing for ages

 **Theon:** Arya is Batman.

 **Gendry:** SHE'S FIVE FEET TALL

*******

**Sansa:** How are things going with Gendry?

 **Theon:** Ever tried to reason with a brick wall?

 **Sansa:** So not great, then?

 **Theon:** Honestly, a brick wall would be easier to reason with.  
He and Arya are made for each other, honestly.

 **Sansa:** Oh no.  
I feel kind of guilty now.

 **Theon:** Why?

 **Sansa:** Because I'm about to add to your woes with my own little wobble, so please don't hate me?

 **Theon:** Never and not at all you are literally impossible to hate.  
What's wrong?

 **Sansa:** I'm just in the midst of a minor panic, is all.  
It's nothing really, I just made the mistake of Googling "what can go wrong in surgery" and now I'm convinced that the idiot surgeon is going to leave a scalpel inside my baby sister.

 **Theon:** _typing…_

 **Sansa:** My baby sister who is lying on a cold metal bed being sliced open right at this moment.  
Or having her stomach inflated, or whatever Bran was talking about.

 **Theon:** Stomach inflated?

 **Sansa:** Apparently they inflate the abdomen with carbon dioxide gas.  
Which would be fine, except all I can picture is Arya blowing up like Violet Beauregarde.

 **Theon:** Arya would laugh her ass off at that, you know.  
Even if she was the one inflating.

 **Sansa:** I know she would.  
She doesn't discriminate in her love of Schadenfreude, does she?  
The only misfortune that doesn't amuse her is mine.

 **Theon:** Because she loves you more than anything.

 **Sansa:** I know, and I know she'll be fine.  
Logically I KNOW that she'll be fine. I know that it's a completely normal process that they perform every day of the week, but I spiralled out of the realm of rationality about five minutes ago.  
I don't even know if I'd be as worried as I am if it was anyone else in my family going through this right now, but it's ARYA. She's so strong and healthy and takes such good care of herself. She NEVER gets sick.  
And now she's sick.  
And okay, it's not serious or life-threatening, but I know what being vulnerable does to her head and watching her suffer with this pain for the last few weeks has been impossible. I can't even explain what it feels like to see her like that, her of ALL people.  
She's ALWAYS protected me, our whole lives, even though I'm the older sister.  
But there's been nothing I could do to take her pain away and there's nothing I can do for her now except wait, and I feel useless and terrible and ashamed of myself because I tried to compare her situation to others who have it worse so I could put things into perspective and I just can't. She's only twenty-two and she doesn't deserve this.

 **Theon:** Sansa.

 **Sansa:** I'm sorry, I know I'm ranting and I'm probably incoherent.

 **Theon:** You're the one who told me that I should never apologise for talking about the dark stuff in my head, remember? If you need to rant, you need to rant and I'm here for you to rant at.

 **Sansa:** I just hate that she's in this situation.  
I hate that she's in pain.  
I hate that there's nothing I can do to help her.

 **Theon:** Sansa, that's just not true.  
You're the one who drove her to the hospital.  
You're the person waiting for her to wake up so you can drive her home and nurse her back to health and fuss over her until she gets better.  
You protect her as much as she protects you. You're protecting her right now.  
She loves you more than anybody else in the world for a reason.

 **Sansa:** When you put it like that, it all sounds really simple.

 **Theon:** It's easier when you're looking in from the outside.  
But she'll be fine, yeah?  
Also, just in case it needs stating, she's definitely not going to blow up like Violet Beauregarde.  
Though I'm willing to bet good money that we could convince Robb that it happened.

 **Sansa:** HAH.  
I can't believe you're making me laugh when I'm determined to be thoroughly miserable.

 **Theon:** That's the best time to make a person laugh!  
Thinking about it, though, maybe WE couldn't convince him.  
But if I email him, pretending to be an African prince…

 **Sansa:** Oh my GOD  
How dare you

 **Theon:** It'd totally work. You know it would.

 **Sansa:** Dear Beloved Friend  
I know this message will come to you as a surprised but permit me of my desire to go into business relationship.  
I am Mr Ly Ng Scamma a son to the late Eee Vil Scamma whom was murdered during the civil war when giant inflatable girl land on him in Libya

 **Theon:** My father life insurance pay out great sum of US$4.8 million following death which his ghost deposit in a Bank here in Damascus even though we live in Libya I want you to help me transfer the fund into your bank account for investment purpose  
also unrelated but would u like to sell some knives in an exciting tiered marketing scheme?

 **Sansa:** Stop ittttttt  
I'm giggling in the waiting room.  
Three minutes ago I was crying.  
The other people here are going to think I'm crazy.

 **Theon:** Don't worry about random strangers in a waiting room.  
Think about how your sister downloaded a shitty erotic novel for you to read because she wanted you to have something to laugh at while she was in surgery.  
Think of how excited Robb's going to be when he gets word of this amazing business relationship proposal.

 **Sansa:** Oh my god STOP  
But don't really.

 **Theon:** Feeling a little better?

 **Sansa:** Yes, fog's clearing a bit.  
Thank you so much for keeping me sane today.  
And always, really.  
I don't know what I'd do without you sometimes.

 **Theon:** I straight up wouldn't be here to do anything at all if it wasn't for you, so right back atcha.

 **Sansa:** <3  
Are we still seeing you later?  
Arya will be too drugged up to attack you, don't worry.

 **Theon:** Yeah, definitely. Gonna try get out at four.  
Have you eaten anything besides those chocolate buttons?

 **Sansa:** Not yet. The vending machines here aren't exactly stuffed full of exciting and delectable options.

 **Theon:** Well, I'm about to head out for my lunch hour and you should too.  
The hospital has a cafe, go and get yourself some proper food.  
You'll need all the nourishment you can get to be your sister's stay-at-home nurse.

 **Sansa:** I can't, though, I promised Arya I'd wait for her.

 **Theon:** If you don't eat a real lunch, I'll tattle to Arya once she's back to full strength.  
At which point I can't be held responsible for what she'll do.

 **Sansa:** Wow. The DEVIANCE.  
How COULD you pull such a patented Brownsorrow rug-pull on me?

 **Theon:** It's a betrayal of love.  
Will you go and get some lunch?

 **Sansa:** Maybe. We'll see. I'll weigh my guilt against my hunger and let you know how it goes.

 **Theon:** I'll settle for that for now.  
And pick up some lemon cakes for you and Miss Beauregarde while I'm getting my own lunch.

 **Sansa:** Bless you, Theon Greyjoy.  
You truly know the way to my heart.

*******

**Theon:** I've been thinking about what you said earlier.

 **Gendry:** Are you going to tell me where she is?

 **Theon:** No, I've been thinking about how you denied that Arya could be Batman just because she's the size of a Furby, which is narrow minded and quite frankly beneath you.

 **Gendry:** oh piss off  
It's not because of her height  
Although FYI Theon Batman is supposed to be a big hench wanker

 **Theon:** The only way for you to make this right is to forgive her for not telling you about her op.  
Also by letting her know that I am the one who talked you round.  
That part is important.

 **Gendry:** Arya's fave superheroes are all WOMEN  
She'd be Black Canary not fucking Batman  
I can't believe you knew she was having surgery and I didn't when YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE MOST BASIC FACTS ABOUT HER  
HOW IS THAT FAIR

 **Theon:** That's not a basic fact!

 **Gendry:** Yes it is!!!  
Ask anyone!!  
And FFS Theon stop trying to defend her like she's a child  
She's a grown woman who makes her own decisions and it's bullshit that she decided to keep a big secret about her health from me when she's the one who talked me into listing her as my emergency contact on every bloody form I fill out

 **Theon:** If that's what you think, maybe you should tell her that?

 **Gendry:** Tell her what?

 **Theon:** That she's a grown woman who makes her own decisions

 **Gendry:** ??????  
While I'm at it should I tell her her own name and phone number?  
Wtf kind of advice is that?

*******

**Theon:** Quick question.  
If Arya could be any comic book superhero, who would she be?  
Gendry's driving me nuts and I need to prove a point to him.

 **Sansa:** That's a strange deviation, but okay.  
It depends.  
Which universe, DC or Marvel?

 **Theon:** You know the difference?

 **Sansa:** I've picked one or two things up from living with her.

 **Theon:** That makes sense.  
In this particular instance, DC.

 **Sansa:** Oh, then she'd be Black Canary.

 **Theon:** Are you sure?

 **Sansa:** 100% sure.

*******

**Theon:** Hey, quick question.

 **Yara:** I don't answer questions from snot-nosed little boys who don't know their place.

 **Theon:** FFS Yara.  
Hey, my supreme overlord and superior in all ways, quick question.

 **Yara:** how can I help, baby brother?

 **Theon:** If Arya could be any superhero from the DC universe, who would she be?

 **Yara:** hmm  
probably black canary???  
yeah, definitely black canary.

*******

**Theon:** Hey, quick question.

 **Bran:** Black Canary.

*******

**Bran:** Arya's surgery is taking place in the Royal Hallamshire.

 **Gendry:** Thanks for that mate  
I owe you one

 **Bran:** You’re welcome.  
You can transfer funds to me via direct bank transfer, or by PayPal if you prefer.

 **Gendry:** I didn't mean it literally

 **Bran:** You do now.

*******

**Gendry:** Got the hospital details from Bran so you're off the hook you useless arsehole  
Leaving in five  
But first I'm driving to the nearest florist and buying her a bouquet of roses the size of a Ford Fiesta  
That'll show her

 **Theon:** That's nice of you, mate.  
I'm sure she'll love them.

 **Gendry:** What

 **Theon:** What?

 **Gendry:** BASIC FACTS, THEON

*******

**Theon:** How are you feeling now?

 **Sansa:** Much better, thank you. Arya's out of surgery and in recovery, but she's going to be unconscious for a good while longer.  
I'm blaming my panic attack on a blood sugar low, taking your advice and heading to the cafe to get myself some lunch in just a minute.

 **Theon:** Good! You need to eat proper food.  
Also, more good news. Everything seems to be sorted with Gendry.

 **Sansa:** Oh, good! Has he calmed down?

 **Theon:** As far as I can tell, though god knows the only person who understands the shit he comes up with is currently out cold.

 **Sansa:** Did you prove the point you wanted to make?

 **Theon:** Theon Brownsorrow wanted to prove a point. I had no points. No idea what you're talking about.  
Bran told him which hospital to go to so we’re both off the hook.  
He'll be on his way as soon as he's bought her flowers.

 **Sansa:** Flowers?  
For Arya?

 **Theon:** That's what he said.

 **Sansa:** Oh god.  
What kind?

 **Theon:** Roses I think?

 **Sansa:** Oh GOD.  
She'll be furious.  
Roses, of all things. For ARYA.  
He might as well spit in her face and be done with it.

*******

**Arya:** GUESS WHAAAAAT

 **Sansa:** Oh my god, you're awake?!

 **Arya:** HAhahaaaaaa  
WAKE ME UP INSIDE  
(can;t wake up WAKE ME UP INSIDE SAAAVEEE MEEEE  
stupid song  
HIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii where are you

 **Sansa:** Oh, Arya.  
Are you okay? Are you in pain? What on earth have they given you?  
I popped down to the cafe to grab a sandwich but I'll be right there asap!

 **Arya:** um? idk? General anastewhat? Morpheus ???

 **Sansa:** Morphine?

 **Arya:** THATS THE ONE


	3. post-op

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who said lovely things about this little chunk of my imagination. More importantly, to my Katie, I know it's past midnight here in the UK but where you are in the world it's still National Best Friend Day, so as far as I'm concerned, I got in on time. Theon and Sansa's last scene is ENTIRELY for you and only you. If other people like it, it's a juicy bonus, but if you're the only one who does, that's more than fine by me. I love you and I like you and I miss you so incredibly much <3
> 
> Special thanks to my brother and our many late-night, introspective chats for being one of my biggest Theon inspirations. Theon and Yara's dynamic has always reminded us of our own relationship, I guess because he's a soft baby and I'm super tough and strong, haha. Love you hermano.

**part three: post-op**

**Sansa:** Arya's awake!

 **Theon:** Already?!  
It's only been forty minutes.

 **Sansa:** I mean, really Theon, she said she'd fight the anaesthetic to keep her organs unharvested and we should have expected her to come through on that promise.  
That, or I've completely lost my grasp on the concept of time while I've been waiting in this netherworld.

 **Theon:** She could have been in recovery for a while before you were told about it.

 **Sansa:** That's true.  
I'm being updated as and when the nurses have time, which is totally fair.  
They're overworked and underpaid, I should be nowhere near the top of the priority list.

 **Theon:** You're sitting right at the top of mine.  
And not to brag but I'm the one packing bakery-issue lemon cakes.  
What does a nurse have? Catheters?

 **Sansa:** If only you were a nurse, I could revel in the special treatment while sickly old ladies went without their heart medication.  
It can't be too much trouble to change your entire career to suit my whims, right?

 **Theon:** I'll get right on that.  
Between my anxiety issues and my terror of needles I don't see how they could turn me down.

 **Sansa:** But you'd be so comforting as a nurse!  
Smiling at the old ladies and letting them pet your curls.  
Plus, you'd look so cute in blue scrubs.

 **Theon:** That's Halloween this year sorted.

 **Sansa:** Elaborate please.

 **Theon:** You've heard of "Cliched Sexy Girl Nurse" before  
Now get ready for "Non Threatening Male Nurse"  
Coming to a Halloween party near you this October.

 **Sansa:** Oh my god.

 **Theon:** I could have a stethoscope.

 **Sansa:** Yes please have a stethoscope and a chart.

 **Theon:** Why a chart?

 **Sansa:** I don't knooooowwwwwww okay it just works for me, don't question it.

 **Theon:** What about a pair of comfy trainers, worn from age and overuse?  
I've let the kids in my ward scribble doodles on them in felt tip pen.

 **Sansa:** YES because you're working SO HARD for your patients.  
Of COURSE you'd be a paediatric nurse.

 **Theon:** I just care SO MUCH I'm so overworked.  
Have you eaten yet?

 **Sansa:** Always going the extra mile to make the kids in your ward feel cared for.

 **Theon:** No, Sansa, I'm serious.  
Have YOU eaten yet?

 **Sansa:** Yes, I had soup and a sandwich!

 **Theon:** Nurse Theon approves.

 **Sansa:** I'm literally just finishing up now and I'm going to race back to Arya.  
She was very strung out when she texted so don't be surprised if she's asleep when you get here.

 **Theon:** She's got her phone on her?

 **Sansa:** Yes, they said she could leave it in her little pod while she went down for the op.

 **Theon:** Arya + anaesthetic + a phone seems combustible.

 **Sansa:** Oh, she'll be fine.  
She's not coherent enough to get into any real trouble.

*******

**Arya:** you think with ur dick too much  
ahahahaha u ho  
you ho ho ho  
coming down the chimney with ur dick out LOL

 **Robert:** What?!  
What's the meaning of this!

 **Arya:** OMG  
LMFAO  
Wrong Robert AHAHAHA  
I meant Robb omggggggggggggg Imma die say hi to dad thx

 **Robert:** Seven hells, child. What have you been drinking?

 **Arya:** still its true tho ur a ho too  
only good thing your dick ever did was shoot gendry into his mum  
PING! bullseye  
first time every time  
thanks for that btw

*******

**Arya:** U still dating that Dany person from TIndeee  
*Tindr  
Grinder?

 **Jon:** Why are you asking me this?

 **Arya:** answer the question JONATHAN

 **Jon:** Arya, I haven't seen or spoken to her in over a year.

 **Arya:** GOOD  
bitch would have razed Japan for a fuckin slice of cake

*******

**Arya:** you know what renly youre perfect I will BUY YOU THE MOON

 **Renly:** Thanks me lovely x  
But can you buy me a Viv Westwood B/B short sleeve shirt in off white instead?  
The moon won't fit in the armoire.

 **Arya:** ungrateful prick

 **Renly:** LOL xxxxxxxx

*******

**Arya:** TOM CRUISE

 **Stannis:** Who is this?

 **Arya:** Arya Stark how DARE YOU

 **Stannis:** I assume that this is a childish prank.

 **Arya:** CULT WANKER  
U a level 100 light lord yet?  
HAVE YOU REACHED THE TOP OF THE BRIDGE??!!!!!  
Listen Stanley srsly tho

 **Stannis:** My name is Stannis.

 **Arya:** do you know Charles Manson personally

 **Stannis:** I have no further time to spare for this.

 **Arya:** no but rly L Ron hubbard friend of yours?

 **Stannis:** I will be speaking to your father.

 **Arya:** oooooh  
tough guy  
You sending people to spy on my flat??  
will I be ASSIMILATED  
Send tom Cruise to Mission Impossible me pls  
always wanted to fight that bitch

*******

**Arya:** You are Robb Stark y/n????  
be stupid once for no and ten times for yes

 **Robb:** You know I am.

 **Arya:** Stupid?

 **Robb:** No, Robb!

 **Arya:** YOU

 **Robb:** What?

 **Arya:** YES YOU  
u think with your dick out

 **Robb:** What the fuck

 **Arya:** no u think WITH your dick too much but its not like necessarily OUT  
I mean its a philosophical difference rly

 **Robb:** Are you drunk???????

 **Arya:** Lol no i am cut open like a christmas turkey  
LET THEM BE TOGETHER YOU COWARDS

 **Robb:** Let who be together??

 **Arya:** bruce and Alfred  
no wait  
me and Gendry  
no wait  
Aaaah fuck it idk

 **Robb:** ??????????????

 **Arya:** I will get it  
in a minute  
don't tell me yet

 **Robb:** Wait  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU AND GENDRY?

*******

**Arya:** What do I mean me and Gendry?

 **Gendry:** What?

 **Arya:** I mean me and you  
what do we mean

 **Gendry:** Honestly I wish you'd tell me

 **Arya:** YOU SAID  
you would be here TODAY RIGHT NOW  
you're not here you're nowhere i asked the nurse for you and she said only my sister  
I'm just I can't believe you lied

 **Gendry:** I didn't lie, you told me not to come  
Do you remember telling me that? You seem pretty out of it right now

 **Arya:** I'm fine didn even feel it

 **Gendry:** Is your sister with you?

 **Arya:** DROP THE INNOCENT ACT

 **Gendry:** What??

 **Arya:** WHY DID YOU LISTEN

 **Gendry:** Listen to what?

 **Arya:** To what I said  
you didn't listen when i said no Gendry don't play drunk tetherball  
didn;t listen when i said no gendry don't wash the red towel with the white towels  
DID NOT LISTEN when I said no Gendry don't go out in the storm with no coat and got WALKING PNUSEM  
*pneumonia  
but SUDDENLY you do what i say??

 **Gendry:** Christ Arya you should be asleep or something, are you ok?

 **Arya:** of course I'm not okay YOU'RE NOT FUCKING HERE

 **Gendry:** You didn't want me there

 **Arya:** YES I DID

 **Gendry:** You're not going to make me shout at you when you've just come out of surgery

 **Arya:** You will shout if I want you to shout I wear all the trousers

 **Gendry:** You need to get more sleep

 **Arya:** you don't dare say what i need I need what I SAY I need you don't EVEN with me

 **Gendry:** Don't even what?

 **Arya:** act nice

 **Gendry:** You don't want me to be nice to you?

 **Arya:** I want you to be HERE  
which tyou are NOT  
and dont pretenf you are either because I know your STUPID pixie ears like the back of my hand

 **Gendry:** If you want me to be there, great good brilliant, I'm already on my way

 **Arya:** what

 **Gendry:** Bran told me where you were so Davos let me leave work early  
I'm sorry I'm not there already but there was a crash on the parkway so I haven't moved for ages  
I'll be there asap

 **Arya:** ewww no go back home

 **Gendry:** Seriously, Arya?

 **Arya:** pixie eared loser

 **Gendry:** You're really doing this now?

 **Arya:** I can change my mind if I want

 **Gendry:** You haven't changed your mind you're just talking shit  
as per usual

 **Arya:** Oi you can't SAY that to me I had surgery today!

 **Gendry:** And you shouldn't talk so much shit but here we are

 **Arya:** what kind of creep even leaves work early like that  
You're not my boyfriend dont act like you are

 **Gendry:** You know what?  
Fine  
I'll turn the car around and go home  
No point sitting in traffic for someone who doesn't want me around, is there?

 **Arya:** Fine  
You SHOULD go home

 **Gendry:** FINE. I will.

 **Arya:** FINE

*******

**Sansa:** Arya's awake. I'm just waiting to be given the go ahead to see her.

 **Bran:** I know she's awake.

 **Sansa:** How?

 **Bran:** I have the sight.  
A blessing and a burden, it is both.

 **Sansa:** Bran.

 **Bran:** She's been texting Robb and insinuating that he is some manner of gigolo.

 **Sansa:** Oh god, really?

 **Bran:** Personally, I disagree.  
Gigolos work hard for the money.  
Robb once quit a job on the first day because the girl sitting next to him ate feta at her desk.

*******

**Arya:** where are YOu

 **Sansa:** I came back up but the nurse at the check-in desk says I have to wait just a little longer to see you. I'll be in the second they let me.

 **Arya:** you didnt go home???

 **Sansa:** Of course not.

 **Arya:** You SURE???

 **Sansa:** I would never, I promise. I'm right outside the ward.

 **Arya:** Gendry hates em though  
me  
He hates me forever  
in perpetuity  
which here is a term that means forever so you see

 **Sansa:** You're struggling with the word "me" but "in perpetuity" is a walk in the park?

 **Arya:** sad park with no knife gangs

 **Sansa:** I think a park with no knife gangs would be a happy park, no?

 **Arya:** That's your opinion

 **Sansa:** Gendry doesn't hate you, Arya. Not even close.

 **Arya:** No he does  
thinsg were said  
I was badly behaved  
and I don't want the same fot you  
I was a shit but you are not and you dseseve better  
omg deserve  
BUTCHERED that word lololololol morphine tho  
listen this will work

_Arya Stark added Theon Greyjoy to the conversation_

**Sansa:** I don't understand what you mean.  
Wait, what's going on?

 **Arya:** ycan't make my mistakes  
life is fleeting and time is precious  
I almost DIED today

 **Theon:** Um, what?

 **Sansa:** You did not almost die.

 **Arya:** SHUSH lemme talk  
San Theons in shoujo manga feels with you  
Theon my sister feels the same way  
brb gonna ruin more lives  
xoxox gossip dan

_Arya Stark has left the conversation_

**Sansa:** Should I Google shoujo manga or should you, haha?

 **Theon:** _typing..._

 **Sansa:** That was a joke.  
Arya was just joking. She's still a bit woozy on the morphine and anaesthetic I think.  
And obviously because she woke up earlier than anticipated and should be able to leave soon, you don't need to come to the hospital after work. We'd probably be home by the time you made it here.

 **Theon:** _typing..._

 **Sansa:** The nurse says that I can see her now so I'm going to head into the ward.  
I'll talk to you later, okay?

 **Theon:** Right. Yeah.  
Okay.

*******

**Robert:** Explain to me why Ned's daughter is sending me abuse!

 **Gendry:** Hi to you too

 **Robert:** Well?

 **Gendry:** Well what?

 **Robert:** You pal around with the little demon, don't you?

 **Gendry:** Genuinely amazed that you know that

 **Robert:** Thick as thieves, the two of you.  
You should know what this is all about.

 **Gendry:** Her name is Arya

 **Robert:** Did you put her up to it?

 **Gendry:** You know her name is Arya, don't you?

 **Robert:** Of course I know her bloody name!

 **Gendry:** I just wanted to check since you can't remember the names of half your own kids

 **Robert:** Don't you dare be insolent, boy!

 **Gendry:** Not that I've ever met most of them

 **Robert:** Seven hells, what am I to make of all of this?!

 **Gendry:** Make whatever you want, just leave me out of it

*******

**Catelyn:** You'll never guess what I learned how to do today.

 **Sansa:** I'm a bit busy at the moment, mum, can I call you later?

 **Catelyn:** I learned how to track my lying daughters down on Find My iPhone.

 **Sansa:** _typing..._

_Incoming call from Catelyn Stark_

*******

**Bran:** Sansa should have confiscated your phone before your surgery.

 **Arya:** Piss off

 **Bran:** The residual effects of the general anaesthetic have worn off by now, I assume?

 **Arya:** Go away

 **Bran:** Or was it our mother's rage that sobered you?

 **Arya:** That helped.

 **Bran:** How many fires did you start?

 **Arya:** Seventy fucking three.

 **Bran:** Not to be crass, but you have dishonoured yourself and your cow.

 **Arya:** Thanks.

*******

**Robb:** WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS WITH MY SISTER????

 **Gendry:** Which sister?

 **Robb:** ARYA OBVIOUSLY

 **Gendry:** Oh good  
It'd be hard to think up intentions for Sansa  
Like she's lovely and all

 **Robb:** ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION

 **Gendry:** Short term? Long term? What?

 **Robb:** EITHER  
BOTH

 **Gendry:** Short term: decode the alien fucking language she speaks  
Long term: marry her, probably

 **Robb:** DON'T MAKE JOKES ABOUT MARRIAGE IT'S VERY SERIOUS

 **Gendry:** I'm totally serious  
FFS Robb I care about your sister and I'm not fucking Joffrey turn your capslock off

 **Robb:** I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW

*******

**Loras:** so i heard you're buying presents  
care to accept a request? i need a new mountain bike.

 **Arya:** I don't have time for this shit right now I've upset Gendry, Sansa is freaking out and Bran is using Mulan against me.  
Also I literally woke up from surgery like, an hour ago and my mother just found out about it so she yelled at me on the phone for 20 minutes and now she's yelling at my sister.

 **Loras:** and i just came back from the drive-thru with a coke zero instead of the full fat i ordered but you don't see me fucking complaining

*******

**Arya:** If you're wondering why Sansa hasn't texted, our mum called her phone to rage at us nearly an hour ago and won't hang up.  
Turns out if you text Robb saying you've been cut up like a Christmas turkey, people get suspicious.

 **Theon:** Is this your way of apologising for what you said earlier?

 **Arya:** No it fucking is not.  
I'm not apologising to you when I didn't do anything malicious. I was hopped up on meds and not in my right mind and trying to save you from a life of raging priapism.

 **Theon:** Wtf is priapism?

 **Arya:** Your word of the day. Google it and learn how to handle your shit.  
If you'd done that in the first place you'd be dating Sansa already and we wouldn't have this problem.

 **Theon:** Like you handled your shit with Gendry?

 **Arya:** That's not your concern.

 **Theon:** But Sansa and I are yours?

 **Arya:** Sansa is my sister.  
You're not Gendry's sister.  
Two totally different situations.  
Plus you've been begging me for months to pretend like you're not obsessed with her and what kind of mate asks their mate to keep secrets from her SISTER?

 **Theon:** You ruined everything.

 **Arya:** HOW

 **Theon:** Sansa was never supposed to know how I feel about her.  
I had a plan, Arya. I was going to be her friend forever, quietly accept her marriage to some other guy who eclipses me in every way and die pining for her because THAT's what I deserve.

 **Arya:** Firstly, turn the melodrama down a notch, Jon Snow.  
Secondly, WHY?

 **Theon:** Because. I. Am. Not. Good. Enough. For. Her.

 **Arya:** Nobody is. So what?  
You come closer than anyone else I've met.

 **Theon:** Sansa deserves better than me.  
She's kind and beautiful and always knows how to do the right thing and she's smarter than anyone else I've ever met in my life.  
Whereas I spent my early twenties fucking around and drinking and bouncing between girls and I've only JUST gotten my shit together in the last couple of years while she's been going to uni and volunteering and setting up a charity and living her best fucking life, and she's had some shit boyfriends in the past without adding a waste of space like me to that list.

 **Arya:** Oh.  
I didn't realise you were planning on taking her on dates to the past.  
That changes everything.

 **Theon:** Wtf? I wasn't?

 **Arya:** Then what the fuck does it matter who you were five years ago.

 **Theon:** It matters!

 **Arya:** No it doesn't???  
You're not making the same stupid mistakes you made then.  
You're making different stupid mistakes like pretending you're not in love with Sansa when you clearly fucking ARE, so stop with the pseudo-psychological bullshit, Theon. It's just a piss poor cover for your fear that she doesn't feel the same way about you or that you'll somehow fuck things up once you've got her, and you know you're better than that.  
Just tell her the fucking truth.

 **Theon:** That's rich coming from you.

 **Arya:** Wtf does that mean?

 **Theon:** Right. Yeah. Play the innocent.  
Here's an idea.  
I'll tell Sansa how I feel if you tell Gendry how you feel.

 **Arya:** Hah fucking HAH  
I've had surgery today, I don't have to do jack shit.

 **Theon:** Then it's no deal.

 **Arya:** Don't you dare hold my sister's happiness hostage to push me into doing something I was always planning to do when I was good and ready.

 **Theon:** I would NEVER risk Sansa's happiness.  
EVER.  
The whole REASON I've not told her how I feel is because I'm NOT GOOD ENOUGH to make her happy so don't throw an accusation like that at me just because you're too scared to tell Gendry the truth.

 **Arya:** LOL SCARED  
You actually think I'm scared?  
Are you serious?  
Like that's actually a theory?

 **Theon:** Well AREN'T YOU?

 **Arya:** NO I AM NOT FUCKING SCARED YOU DUMBASS THOT  
HOW DARE YOU  
IMPLY

 **Theon:** YOU CAN TALK THE TALK BUT YOU CAN'T WALK THE WALK

 **Arya:** WALK THE WALK  
COMING FROM YOU  
You think I don't KNOW how Gendry feels about me?  
Believe me, I know, I'm not misleading myself for no fucking reason like you are okay?  
Gendry's not some fucking GUY who I just DATE and it's like NOTHING, Theon, once we're together we're TOGETHER together, like forever together. I've known that for years. I knew that by the end of Renly's wedding reception, it wasn't rocket science.

 **Theon:** So why aren't you together if it's so bloody easy?  
  
**Arya:** You think I was ready for forever when I was NINETEEN?????  
You think HE was ready?  
He's a hot dumb dork he gets excited and carried away with himself, I knew I had to give him time to get to know me properly so that when he eventually gets drunk and proposes he actually knows what he's signing up for.

 **Theon:** Holy shit.

 **Arya:** So why don't you take that and fold it up real tight, jam it in your eye and get over yourself for long enough to take my sister out for a bland pasta dinner, you presumptuous nutbeard.

 **Theon:** I didn't realise.  
Arya.  
You're like…  
This is ADVANCED emotional perspicacity but it's coming from YOU.

 **Arya:** Well DUH  
I'm Sansa Stark's baby sister.  
Why the fuck are you even surprised?

*******

**Arya:** Hey

 **Gendry:** Hey  
How are you feeling?

 **Arya:** Not hopped up on anaesthetic anymore.  
So like, lucid but also relaxed.  
Sansa says that's the morphine but she forgets that I'm this chill all the time.

 **Gendry:** Hahaha, course you are  
Are you in pain though? Or does it feel better now??

 **Arya:** No pain.  
Feels fine honestly.

 **Gendry:** _typing..._

 **Arya:** Listen before you say anything else I need to do an apology so don't interrupt me.  
Also try to remember that not only have I had my gallbladder carved out today, I just had to spend 20 minutes on the phone to my mother because she found out about it and lost enough shit to fertilise every Tyrell farm in the stratosphere so I've been punished enough.

 **Gendry:** _typing…_

 **Arya:** I just SAID not to interrupt!  
Just now!  
Sentences ago! Right after I said I was relaxed!  
RELAXED  
How is this insubordination helping me to remain calm in my difficult convalescence Gendry you and my mother are going to send me to the grave.

 **Gendry:** Is this about my dad?

 **Arya:** What?

 **Gendry:** Did you send him insulting texts?  
He says you did

 **Arya:** FFS NO, I sent Robb some insulting texts but I was high off my ass from the meds and made an innocent mistake ergo they went to your father.  
I didn't insult your dad deliberately until I realised it was him.

 **Gendry:** What did you say then?

 **Arya:** Nothing really, just that he's a ho and the only good thing his dick ever did was put your into your mum.

 **Gendry:** LOL  
Thanks x

 **Arya:** I mean where's the lie.

 **Gendry:** I hadn't heard from him in ten months and he texts me in a fucking rage about it???

 **Arya:** What a prick.  
The way he treats you makes me so fucking angry I swear I could do a crime.

 **Gendry:** Can't believe I used to idolise him  
Who else did you text?  
Aside from me and my dad obviously

 **Arya:** Ohhhhhhhhh I had adventures today.  
Managed to tell Robb that he thinks with his dick too much.  
Made fun of your uncle for being a cult wanker.

 **Gendry:** HAH  
Did you call him Tom Cruise?

 **Arya:** YUP

 **Gendry:** You're amazing

 **Arya:** Also I mocked Jon's pathetic dating life but who doesn't?  
Told Theon and Sansa how they feel about each other.  
I feel a tiny bit bad about that one actually, but fuck it they'll sort it out. **  
** Also I bought pink hair dye on Amazon???? For some reason?

 **Gendry:** You'd look fit with pink hair

 **Arya:** You saying I'm not fit now?

 **Gendry:** Shut up Arya

 **Arya:** I'll take your deflection as an admission of my fitness pls and thx babe luv you x

 **Gendry:** I thought this was an apology

 **Arya:** so did I until you brought Bobby Bad Dad into it.  
Way to kill the mood.

 **Gendry:** What mood??

 **Arya:** The sombre mood of contrition SHUT UP.  
Also, I'm sorry for being a dick and lying to you.  
You were right, I did want you here, idk why I was such an arsehole about it but I should have been nice to you and I'm really sorry.

 **Gendry:** It's weird when you do an apology

 **Arya:** I know.

 **Gendry:** Feels like I have to make it stop somehow

 **Arya:** Doesn't it though?

 **Gendry:** Would it help if I told you that I was so pissed off earlier I almost bought you flowers???

 **Arya:** WHAT

 **Gendry:** A massive bouquet of roses

 **Arya:** YOU DID NOT.

 **Gendry:** Seriously  
Looked up a florist and everything

 **Arya:** That literally would have been worse than the surgery the DISRESPECT!!!!?

 **Gendry:** I didn't buy you any keep your knickers on

 **Arya:** I thought the goal of flowers was to get the girl's knickers off?

 **Gendry:** _typing…_

 **Arya:** Speaking of, do you think it's time we went on a date?  
I hear they're the same as hanging out but with sex involved.

 **Gendry:** What?  
For real?

 **Arya:** Yeah, for real.  
Aren't we like, in love or something?

 **Gendry:** I mean  
Yeah  
I'm in love with you  
Wasn't sure if you felt the same

 **Arya:** omg OBVIOUSLY I love you hahaha you dork.  
Imagine not knowing that.

 **Gendry:** Well it's not like you ever bloody told me

 **Arya:** I knew you loved me without being told.

 **Gendry:** Yeah well, not all of us have a weird psychic brother who knows everything

 **Arya:** For the last time, psychics aren't real and Bran's trolling you.  
So are we doing this boyfriend girlfriend thing or not?

 **Gendry:** Yes  
Obviously yes  
Yes I would love that

 **Arya:** FYI our first date is gonna need to involve no sex and a lot of you watching old Wrestlemanias with me because I'm supposed to rest or some bullshit.

 **Gendry:** Sounds perfect

 **Arya:** Gross.  
We should be leaving the hospital as soon as I'm able to pee so I'll text you when we're on our way back and you can come to the flat?

 **Gendry:** Actually, I can come in and see you right now  
I'm sitting in the hospital car park

 **Arya:** What, this entire time?

 **Gendry:** Yeah, been here for almost an hour.

 **Arya:** Then why didn't you just come in???

 **Gendry:** idk I was waiting for a signal

 **Arya:** LOL A SIGNAL  
What are you, Batman?

 **Gendry:** I've got the chiselled jaw for it

 **Arya:** CHISELLED JAW  
Come in here right now and bloody snog me already.  
I mean, not literally, my mouth is so dry I have to have water every two minutes or I can't talk properly.

 **Gendry:** Then I'll kiss you in other places

 **Arya:** Like on my chiselled jaw?

 **Gendry:** I was thinking more like your forehead

 **Arya:** Urgh  
Disgusting  
x

*******

**Sansa:** Hi.

 **Theon:** Hi.

 **Sansa:** Did you Google what it means?

 **Theon:** Shoujo manga?

 **Sansa:** Yes.

 **Theon:** Did you?

 **Sansa:** I already knew.  
Arya's secretly into it. Keeps a lot of it in her room.  
Possible information to leak for revenge later.

 **Theon:** Or at least for as long as she's physically incapacitated.

 **Sansa:** I'm really sorry about vanishing earlier.  
I had to go in and see Arya, then my mother called, then Gendry turned up, so we've had a busy few hours getting her discharged.  
I'm back at home now getting a comfy spot set up for her on the sofa.  
Gendry insisted on taking her home and they're at the drive-thru getting us dinner.  
I'm not entirely sure what happened between them but it seems like they're together now.  
I'm annoyed with myself because I forgot to water my violets this morning so they were looking a bit sad when I came home, and I forgot to take my clothes out of the washing machine so they smell weird from being wet and I'll need to wash them again and I'm over-explaining, aren't I?

 **Theon:** Little bit.  
But it's fine, I understand.

 **Sansa:** It's not fine, though.  
I vanished in a much broader sense earlier and I'm sorry about that too.  
I wasn't prepared for Arya to spring that on us and I wasn't sure what to do about it in that moment. That wasn't how I'd expected that to happen, if I'd ever expected anything.

 **Theon:** I know.  
It wasn't...ideal, was it?  
Would have startled anyone.

 **Sansa:** She honestly didn't mean any harm.

 **Theon:** I know.  
I was angry with her but she kinda helped me see that earlier.  
She also helped me see that there are some things I need to tell you.

 **Sansa:** What things?

 **Theon:** Shoujo manga things.

 **Sansa:** Oh.  
Oh.

 **Theon:** Sansa, you know I love being your friend, right?

 **Sansa:** _typing…_

 **Theon:** If that's all I ever get to be—your friend I mean, then I'm happy with that.

 **Sansa:** _typing…_

 **Theon:** No, wait, before you say anything else.  
If this isn't something you want to know, just say the word and I'll never mention it again.

 **Sansa:** It is.  
Something I want.

 **Theon:** You're sure?

 **Sansa:** Of course I'm sure.  
Arya may have been loopy earlier, but she's not a liar.  
And I'm not going to do you or her the disrespect of pretending she is right now.  
I won't do that to myself, either.

 **Theon:** Because I'm not anything, San. Not really. Not compared to you.

 **Sansa:** That's just not true.  
You know that's not true.  
You're so hard on yourself, Theon. But you're brave and honest and you hold yourself accountable, and so many people spend their whole lives never looking inwards and blaming other people for all of their problems, but you never do that. You're good because you put in the effort to be good every single day, and I'm so incredibly proud of you for working so hard to become the person you are.

 **Theon:** That's ALL because of you.

 **Sansa:** It's not. You say that, but you've never been able to see yourself the way I see you.

 **Theon:** I'm not nearly good enough for you, but you've NEVER been the one who makes me feel that way.  
I know that's all my shit, in my head, and I know I need to work on that and I want to. I'm going to, for me and for you, if I'm what you want. Even if I'm not what you want, because you're the one who always reminds me that I matter for my own sake.  
You make me feel like being a man doesn't mean pretending to be tough or repressing the hell out of my anxiety, and that I could go and get help without feeling like I'd failed because I couldn't do it all myself, and I didn't know that was possible before you and I became friends.  
It feels really good to finally say this out loud.  
Or not out loud but. To you.

 **Sansa:** I think it might feel better to be the one you're saying it to.  
You're giving too much credit to me and not enough to yourself.  
I ought to get mad and tell you off, but how am I supposed to do that now?

 **Theon:** Wait I have more.  
And if any of this seems impressive and off the cuff, I wish I could pretend that it is, but it's not. It's stuff I think about all the damn time. I could fill swimming pools with it.  
It's not just that you're this incredible, strong, beautiful woman who made me want to be a better person.  
It's so many little things.  
Like how your sister's not even engaged and you've already designed her wedding dress in secret because boutiques don't do trousers with trains and you're the only person who understands her.

 **Sansa:** I mean, it's her theoretical wedding day, and I know our mother is going to try to talk her into a formal gown but I just want her to feel comfortable.

 **Theon:** Or how when Robb was in charge of the family holiday and like an idiot he booked us all on a skiing trip, you spent the whole time sitting in the snow with Bran building snow castles, and caught the flu and didn't complain once.

 **Sansa:** See? Too much credit again. I only built castles with him because snowmen are overdone, and the world doesn't need any more men in it.

 **Theon:** No, that's why you SAID you did it.  
You did it because my idiot of a best mate didn't take Bran's disability into account and you couldn't rest until you knew he was having a good time, but you didn't want to call Robb out in front of the family because he'd genuinely tried his best to plan a fun trip.  
I love that you chat to your plants and that you've given them all names.  
I love that you'll spend HOURS studying pictures and videos of Fortnite characters just so you can make Rickon the best costumes when he goes to conventions.  
I love that EVERY time we bake something you hold up the weighing scales and say "Typical Libra," then wet yourself laughing even though it's the worst joke in the world.

 **Sansa:** Because it's funny!  
Because I AM a Libra!

 **Theon:** It's really not.  
You're TERRIBLE at that kind of funny.  
Shutting down pompous prats like Petyr or Edmure? Nobody can touch you in that, but you make the worst jokes in the world, and I love that about you. I mean, batshit crazy out of my mind love that about you.

 **Sansa:** Well I love that you always laugh at the Libra joke anyway.  
I love that when I made snow castles with Bran, you were the one searching for rocks and twigs to help us decorate them.  
I love that you're the one who does most of the baking and you never tell me off when I lick the spoon.  
And I love that whenever Edmure is waffling on and right before I shut him down I can look at you and know that you're encouraging me to do it.  
I love how kind you are and how loyal you are to your friends and how you stand beside your sister when every shitty man in your family is standing against her, and how you're NOTHING like any of those men even though they tried so hard to turn you into them, because you know better and you want to BE better.

 **Theon:** Sansa.

 **Sansa:** Theon.

 **Theon:** I think about kissing you a lot.  
I mean, especially when you make Edmure shut up. But a lot.

 **Sansa:** I think about kissing you too.  
A lot. Also a lot.  
Especially when you talk about dressing as a male nurse for Halloween, which is a kink I didn't even know I had until today, thanks.

 **Theon:** Oh my god, hahaha.

 **Sansa:** But a lot.

 **Theon:** Honestly, San, I'm shit scared that I can't give you everything you deserve.  
But I want to try. I want to do everything I can to make you happy, if you'll have me.

 **Sansa:** You make me happy now.  
So happy. Every single day.

 **Theon:** Good. So I'll keep trying, because I never want to get complacent.  
I'm serious, Sansa. I know it's a lot and this isn't how I wanted to tell you, but if you're telling me that this is something you want too, then I'm all in.

 **Sansa:** Arya and Gendry are home.

 **Theon:** That's...okay?

 **Sansa:** They're going to watch wrestling or something. They're settling in on the couch.  
So I guess I don't necessarily NEED to devote my whole evening to watching over her.

 **Theon:** _typing…_

 **Sansa:** And the thing is, Theon, I don't think I can tell you how happy you already make me. Not in a text message. Not when you're not here, right in front of me, because there are some things I can only say to your face.  
And I really, really, REALLY need you to know how happy you already make me as a matter of urgency, so I think you should come over as soon as you can.

 **Theon:** Oh.  
OH.  
I can do that.  
I can definitely do that.  
Wouldn't want these nice fresh lemon cakes to go to waste.

 **Sansa:** Lemon cakes or no lemon cakes, all I need you to bring is yourself.

 **Theon:** <3

 **Sansa:** But on second thought please do bring them.

 **Theon:** Hahaha.  
Noted.  
Me and the cakes are on our way.  
To rescue you from hunger, wrestling, and Arya and Gendry's inevitable hourly arguments.

 **Sansa:** You're truly the hero of my dreams, Theon Greyjoy.

 **Theon:** That's Nurse Theon to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're going to ask (lol jk you weren't asking at all) and the answer is yes, I HAVE started a companion oneshot about The Evening After The Surgery aka our four heroes romancing it up in Casa Sansarya.


End file.
